The Ice Cube

As I lay there on the hard floor, alone and abandoned; I began to reflect on about my home where my brothers and sister lived. The giants called our home the ice box but I didn’t know what that meant. I just knew it was familiar and homey. Every day the giants would invade our home and take some of my brothers and sisters. It was part of our peoples like cycle. We were a tribute to these giants and being chosen was an honor. I however, fell from my home as the giant dropped me. My people called this place the outer world- It was where the rejects fell. I suddenly felt an odd sensation… was I shrinking? Was I… Melting? This I did not know. All I knew is I was an outcast.

A Father And His Son (Incomplete)

Mark was sitting on a wooden bench on Cedar mountain. It was peaceful on the top of mountain. A cold wind blew through the trees and the fall grass that covered the mountain side. The cabin sat on top of a hill looking down on a valley below. One could see for miles on top of that hill. Mark’s father walked towards him and sat on the bench next to him. Both Mark and his father wore wool shirts, thick brown jackets and denim jeans. Mark and his father were both dressed like cowboys in an old classic John Wayne movie.

Mark was a younger boy around the age of 12. His hair was brown and pushed to the right. Little freckles covered his white cheeks and he had a dimple on his right cheek. His mother always said to him. “Dimples and blue eyes are what get the girls.” Mark didn’t believe her. He was 14 and never kissed a girl. All of his other friends had. That discouraged Mark a little.

His father was a middle age man. He wore a beanie on this head to try and keep his bald head warm. His beard was black and full. He was a burly man. Many of Mark’s friends thought his father looked like Stone Cold Steve Austin. The famous WWE wrestler. The older kids said he looked like a Harley Davidson biker and belonged to the BACA biker gang. Mark didn’t know what BACA was, but he wasn’t worried. Everybody seemed to think it was cool.

Neither of them said anything to one another as they sat on the bench. Mark knew that his father loved him and his father knew that Mark loved him. They didn’t need to say it to know it was true. That was just how things were.

Caseus

Cheese (or caseus as they called it in latin) is something very, very special to me. It is something that I like on top of everything I can eat. You can put it on burgers, fries, an apple (bad idea take it from me) and your vegetables - although I don’t understand why you would mix anything with a damn vegetable. The best part is, there are A LOT of different kinds of cheese. Personally I enjoy: cheddar, swiss, muenster, american, provolone, paperjack, asiago, blue, parmesan, romano, smoked gouda, monterey jack, colby, baby swiss (its adorable), feta, mozzarella, and I could go on (no really I could) except for gorgonzola which tastes like rubber. I love cheese so much I decided to do some research.

I was headed to the Green Bay library in Wisconsin on a snowy thursday morning. I was dressed in my Green Bay Packer gear. I was wearing my favorite Brett Favre jersey, a jacket, and my comfy sweat pants. I slipped on my socks and sandals and headed for the door. It was snowing but didn’t care; I was 10 years old and I lived at my Mom and Dads house. The library was across the street anyways. When I got to the door I realized I forgot the most important thing of all. I ran back into my room and grabbed my Packers cheese head hat. Now I was ready to go. Once I got to the library I found a comfortable chair and a table to sit at. Once I found the perfect spot I went to the shelves and began salvaging for books on cheese.

I found out cheese has been around since pre recorded history so it’s way old. In fact they found cheese inside of an egyptian coffin in 2000 BCE. I can only imagine it tasted like sand. I mean, they pretty much ate sand all day living out in the desert like that; I guess if that’s the case it’s not so bad. Between cheese and sand I would take cheese though. I mean think about it, would you rather rub sandpaper on your tongue all day or eat cheese? Well… Unless it’s gorgonzola cheese then I would take the sandpaper for sure.

The earliest recorded history of cheese was in 5,500 BCE in what is now Poland. They found what looks like a strainer with milk fat molecules inside of it. They even predict that cheese was first created after the domestication of sheep in 800 BCE. I found this to be rather interesting. They believe cheese was created when milk would turn to curd and whey. They would also store it inside of animal skin and their internal organs because they inflate and this proved to be very effective in storing it. As disgusting as that sounds, I’m actually okay with it.

They think the creation of cheese was an accident. I think they call that serendopity or something like that in fancy science language. Personally I think it was no accident. I believe that God sent cheese down to us as a gift. He probably thought that cheese was so delicious that he had to send it to us to share in its beauty. Perhaps he was trying to bless us because of our obedience to the 12 commandments that he gave to Moses. Either way it doesn’t matter how it was obtained because we have it today.

Did you know that cheese was written in Greek Mythology? It was mentioned in the Odyssey. Odysseus really ticks of Poseidon the God of the sea and curses him to wander the ocean for ten years. The hard part (other than wandering the ocean for ten years) is he can only get home by the help of strangers. Well while he is on his journey home he comes across a cyclops who believe it or not makes cheese. When I read this I thought to myself, a cyclops that makes cheese? What are they going to come up with next? That’s like saying cheese is made from rotten milk. It’s completely ridiculous! Anyways, so he sneaks into the cyclops cave and finds A LOT of cheese and takes as much as he can. It’s too bad that cyclops don’t exist anymore because I bet they made really good cheese.

By the time cheese got to the Roman empire making cheese was considered a mature art. In fact there was this guy by the name of Columella who wrote a detailed process on how to make cheese. You know I have a lot of respect for this guy. I mean he took the time to explain his process of making cheese. If I could, I would go back in time and become his apprentice so I could understand the art of making cheese.

One thing he says the longer you let the cheese age the better it taste. If that is the case I would make my own cheese and then wait until the day that I died just to eat the best piece of cheese. I believe this is something that God would want. After all he gave it to us as a gift so why not experience cheese the way it was meant to be? However if its gorgonzola cheese I would gladly go to hell because I don’t believe that is cheese.

They say that around the same time that Columella was around. Some of the largest variety of cheeses could be found in the appalachian mountains. Get this, some of these blocks of cheese weight as much as one thousand pounds. That sounds pretty ridiculous to me. Cheese is made for eating not storing away for five winters.

I was starting to get tired of reading books. I had at least 10 of them sitting in front of me and they were starting to block my view of the library. I moved them over and there I saw the most beautiful girl. She had the most beautiful brown hair and blue eyes I had ever seen. Part of me wanted to go talk to her but I was just too shy. The idea of talking to her gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside, or did I have to pee? I wasn’t sure. I decided to talk to her. You only live once right?

I walked up behind her. “Hi” I said to her softly. She turned around and looked at me. “Hello.” She said back. Her voice was so beautiful. It was like a choir of angels sang from heaven, and then it happened. I looked at her t-shirt and I saw it. She was wearing a Chicago Bears t-shirt. It felt as if my heart had been ripped from out of my chest. How could someone so beautiful be a Chicago Bear fan? I thought to myself. I was shocked. I didn’t know what to say.

I sat there for a moment trying to find my words. “Are you okay?” She said. I stood there awkwardly. “Yeah” I said. I was just wondering if you knew where the bathroom was.” She turned around and pointed to the sign that read restroom. “The bathroom is over there” She said. I walked away awkwardly. “Thank you” I said quickly, trying to escape the presence of this beautiful demon. How could something so evil and wicked be so beautiful? I thought to myself as I walked towards the bathroom. I actually did have to pee. After taking my bathroom break I found a computer and begin searching the internet.

After Rome fell and all of the other countries began to form their own nations there was a lot more cheese. In Britain they have the British Cheese Board that was established in 1992. If you check out their website the introduction says: “The British Cheese Board is the voice of British cheese and is dedicated to educating the British public about eating cheese as part of a balanced diet… There are over 700 named British cheeses produced in the UK.” These are my kind of people! Dedicated to a good cause. However that’s not all. France and Italy have their own individual cheeses. It is estimated that France and Italy have 400 different kinds of cheese. If you were to combine all the different kinds of cheese together that would be like… A shit ton.

You know this guy back in 1546 said this quote. He said “The moon is made of a greene cheese.” If that’s the case then that cheese is probably rotten. I mean I have never heard of a green cheese but I have heard of blue cheese! Now that I think about it, the moon looks more blue to me than it does green. Maybe the moon is made of blue cheese! I mean how cool would that be.

After I read that quote I did a bit of research. NASA on April 1st, 2006 made the discovery that the moon is actually made of a rare type of cheese. I mean that sounds amazing! After all if the government said it was true then it must be true, right? It was then that I decided I was going to become an astronaut and be the first man to eat the cheese off the moon. They would probably call me Neil A. Cheesehead.

It took awhile for our Asian buddies to figure out what cheese was. While they were chewing rice we were chomping cheese by the brick. With time cheese began to become more and more popular in Europe and the Middle East and it soon spread into Asia. It wouldn’t be long before children in Asia would be asking “Mom would get me a McDonalds double CHEESEburger, instead of white rice which I have eaten since I was born.” The mother would ask why and the boy would reply because cheese is better duh!

Once the world hit the industrial revolution cheese got a whole lot more awesome. The first cheese factory was built in Switzerland in 1851. Cool fact, my ancestors are from Switzerland so Swizz cheese runs down my family line. It didn’t take long until it got here to the US of A. In 1851 the first cheese factory was created in Rome, New York. This guy was named Jesse Williamson. He was a dairy farmer at that time. He actually started an assembly line for cheese.

This turned out to be really good for those later on down the road during the great depression. There was so much cheese that the actual price of cheese dropped low enough for those who were in poverty to eat! I’m glad cheese could help contribute to the wellbeing of humanity instead of what is does now with obesity rates throughout the world. I decided I had done enough research for today.

I was starting to get hungry for an adult grilled cheese sandwich. I was so excited to tell my mother what I had done today. I got my stuff together and began to head for the door. As I headed out the door I saw that beautiful creature. She looked at me with those blue eyes. I got that warm fuzzy feeling again. Is this what love feels like? I didn’t know. I waved at her and smiled. She waved and smiled back. You know for being a bears fan she was pretty cute. Maybe someday she will be a Packers fan and then maybe I’ll consider dating her. My stomach rumbled loudly. I need to get home.

I decided that I had to run home and tell my mother what I had this morning. I got outside and started running home but I didn’t get half way across the street before I was out of breath. I was way out of shape. Mother always warned me that cheese had a lot of fat in it and that if I ate a lot I would get fat. Now that I think about it I did look a little more plump this morning when I looked in the mirror. I don’t think that had to do with the cheese. I just need to run more... that’s all. I decided I should walk for awhile. I can run later. I got home and walked through the front door. “Mother!” I said. “I have such great news to tell you!” She looked up from her book and asked “What honey? What did you do?” I got a smile on my face. I was so proud of myself. “I talked to a girl today!”

A Good Friend....

           Javier was at the wrong place at the wrong time. He sat there lifeless on the wooden chair. His white button shirt was covered in blood. It was his blood. He was shot in the chest by a 45. caliber handgun. He sat there, dead, in that rundown motel. His body was limp and cold. Javier had been dead for almost an hour. Don took a deep breath and sighed. “You really made a mess of this one Mickey.” He said. Mickey looked at Don and shrugged. “I didn’t mean for it to happen it was an accident. I was just trying to get him to talk is all.”

Don gave him a stare “You don’t get people to talk by shooting them in the chest Mickey. It’s things like this that gets us into trouble with Vinny, and you don’t want to get in trouble with him. You remember what he did to Julio?” Mickey nodded his head.” Vinny broke his kneecaps with a sledgehammer.” Mickey said. Don opened his long coat and pulled out a cigarette.

.

Mickey stood there waiting for a response from Don. “Look man I didn’t know who else to call I was freaking out. You know that famous quote. ‘A good friend will come and bail you out of jail, and a true friend will’...” he paused. Don raised an eyebrow at him waiting for him to finish. “A true friend what?” He said to Mickey. “A true friend will be sitting there beside you in the cell!”

            Dons mouth dropped. “Oh my God” he said. “That’s a metaphor you idiot you don’t take that literally!” Mickey shook his head. “Okay look I am sorry I didn’t know what to do! What do we do? We can’t leave him here!” Don pulled the cigarette from his mouth and flicked it onto the corpse. “Yes we can” he said. The corpse began to catch on fire. Don made his way to the door and Mickey followed behind him. “By the way Mickey.” He said. “I am not your friend.”